Having had some experience of bad family dynamics myself I have found some good sites which provide some useful conformation of one's own experience where otherwise one would feel isolated and disempowered.
This is one good site
http://against-family-bullying.blogspot.com/I posted the following on this site...
"I have been a victim of family bullying and more correctly described 'Scapegoating'. I have tried to challenge this for more than 2 years but without progress. My tack has been to document the series of events to disolve the bias of perceptions, however the more i do this the perpertrators of this scapegoating retreat into victim mode and refuse to address specific points. Their position is that they do not need to do so as they are in solidarity with each other and I remain excluded.The result of all of this is that I have needed counselling and also suffer from anxiety and depression. Is it a positive stand to declare that I will follow my path outside of family life and learn to recover from this.I should add that I am 52 years of age and have no family of my own which magnifies a loss.There is more so much more but I will leave this for now.
13 de Novembro de 2007 15:35
Against Family Bullying said...
Dear Andrew:The behaviors that you describe, namely the "strategic" retreat from perpetrator to victim mode through perception distortions are a quite typical way of functioning observed in a bullying family. In fact, you are absolutely right that it is positive stand that you declare (before anyone else, to yourself!!) that you will follow your own path outside family life and try to recover. Of course, if one identifies the main bully, the distortions in the perceptions of other people collaborating with it become easy to identify and denounce, but you shouldn't expect much insight from family bullies anyway, as they very often have secondary gains from the fact they act like that, and that's why they are covenant for years, or even for their whole life. You should care, first of all, with your own social and affective relationships outside that asphyxiant circle, and as such it is (very) important for other people close to you to know about those facts. Don't forget that a bullying family finds unconscious ways to undermine one's social relations, don't allow yourself to be away from faithful friends either, for example, because as you say it magnifies a loss. There will maybe be a time when you can find a partner and build a family of your own. Don't be afraid to be alone and in peace, you have always been alone after all... but not in peace! Also a last note, be careful not to victimize yourself as sometimes one tends to think it's his/her own blame. It's NOT!! :) Have a wonderful day, I hope this was helpful for you. Write always.
13 de Novembro de 2007 16:31
Othe good sites on the same theme are
http://thrulookinglass-backwhen.blogspot.com/ and
www.bullyonline.org
